I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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