Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
