I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
