I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
