im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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