can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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