So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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