wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
