You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
