I just saw a hot homeless man
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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