her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
