Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
