You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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