hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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