Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
BRING THE BAGELS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
