i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
