I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
