I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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