just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So. Much. Porn.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
