the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
