Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
