and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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