We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
