She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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