Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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