but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i believe in u and ur pee
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
