know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
