girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
