smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
