i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
