If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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