Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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