sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
