You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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