I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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