im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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