Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
