mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
