Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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