I never want to see another naked old woman again.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
