Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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