Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
