Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
did you just send me my own nude
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
