She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
