I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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