He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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