my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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