At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
