I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
