The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
