I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
