careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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