What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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