he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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